I’m doing something that should make me feel like a horrible person but I do not feel the least bit guilty.
Maybe it just a tiny but but not enough for me to stop.
There is a boy. A boy who really likes me. A boy who I am lukewarm on.
But it doesn’t stop me from accepting his advances.
Said boy is very sweet and very nice. But there is no spark because I’m just not very attracted to him. He’s a boy, not a man and I need a man. He isn’t very direct and doesn’t take charge. I know he wants me and if he would grow a pair and grab me and kiss me or even just tell me “I want you,” I might be more inclined but he doesn’t. And after dating so many weak boys, I want someone who takes charge. Who tells me “be here at 8pm and wear that little dress,” or someone who scoops up me and kisses me like he means it. But I haven’t found someone strong enough to do that. Yet. I know I will.
In the mean time, there is a sweet and nice boy who tells me I’m pretty, who doesn’t want to be too forward out of respect for me. Maybe that’s what I need right now but I don’t want to become someone who seeks out validation by having a boy tell her she’s pretty.
I should rebuke his advances but I don’t.
I’ve been a bad, bad girl. I’ve been careless with a delicate man.
